If you find yourself jonesing bad for some kind of hockey-related relief during the next few weeks, I would heartily recommend spending an hour watching the film Death by Popcorn: The Tragedy of the Winnipeg Jets, a mockumentary about the downfall of the Jets and the city from which they once hailed. Made by an “art collective” called l’Atelier-National du Manitoba, the 60-minute film is stitched together mostly from found TV footage and paints a surreal portrait of Winnipeg’s downfall that at time borders on the psychedelic. I would advise you down a couple Molsens before and during this film.

One of the best parts of Death by Popcorn is its Manitoba take on the Edmonton Oilers and Wayne Gretzky. The Oilers, seen through the eyes of the Winnipeggers, are the Army of Satan come to rape and pillage the pure essence of Manitoba, while Gretzky is portrayed as the anti-Christ, the harbinger of doom and destruction. Classic stuff. And I’ll let you know right now, there’s no happy ending to this story because of the cruel twist of fate that allowed Gretzky to end up owning and coaching the Jets, now known as the Phoenix Coyotes.

Death by Popcorn also includes a performance from Les Dale Hawerchuk, my newest favoritest band from Quebec. If you want to see how French Canadians rock out, check out this video for “Dale Hawerchuk”

Since Death by Popcorn is a whole hour long I won’t post it here, you can watch it at Google Video where you can blow it up to full screen size. So in between hockey games this week, gather yourself around the computer monitor and watch this film and be glad you don’t live in Manitoba. (Unless you already do, in which case, we’re very, very sorry.)

Yes, we’re extremely late to the party on this Colin Cowherd vs. The Big Lead story, but you have to remember that oddsnark is located so far away from the bright center of the blogging universe that the light we see from our monitors today contains news that is actually millions of years old.

Anyway, if you’re like us and missed this item because you’ve been so wrapped up in the saga of Sanjaya on American Idol, here’s a quick recap: Cowherd, a talk show host and blowhard on ESPN radio, last week issued a fatwa against The Big Lead and instructed his knuckle-dragging followers to flood the site. They did and crashed The Big Lead’s servers for about two days.

Firstly, I’m either impressed that Cowherd has that many listeners to bring down an Internet site, or I’m disappointed that The Big Lead is hosted on an old Gateway 386 in someone’s basement. Secondly, has the blogosphere really reached such proportions that big-time sports radio is lashing out like a wounded animal? We just might be witnessing the end of the world as we know it.

Seriously, though, this little episode offers a startling reminder of just how new to the game this Internet medium is. In the fallout from his “fatwa,” Cowherd was lightly admonished by the brass at ESPN and made an apology on his show. No harm, no foul, right? Since it was “just” an Internet site, no one seems to think it matters all that much. But what if instead of a Web site, he had told his listeners to all go out into the night and burn every copy of the USA TODAY they could find? Or what if his listeners had tried to jam a competitor’s radio signal? There would be a cry throughout the land and lawsuits and all manner of teeth knashing and hand wringing.

The upside to all this is that The Big Lead is back online and getting loads of free publicity from blogs such as this one and in the mainstream media. Cowherd’s little stunt has done nothing but raise the profile of sports blogging, so maybe we should thank him. Looks like the joke’s on you, caveman.

And if any other talk radio host out there would like to target an Internet site, please choose this one. We could use the publicity.

According to a report from the AP, the former Mr. Spears has landed a role in a 30-second TV ad for Nationwide insurance that will air during this year’s Super Bowl. In the ad, Federline plays of all things a washed up rap star, who goes from riches and bling to working in a fast food restaurant. What an unlikely role, huh?

A spokesbot for Nationwide said of the commercial campaign:

“No one has personified `Life Comes at You Fast’ in the media better than Federline,” said Steven Schreibman, Nationwide vice president of advertising and brand management. “Our partnership with Kevin shows the world that he has a great sense of humor.”

Well, at least he has that sense of humor. Buck up, little K-Fed, this could be the start of a whole new career mocking yourself like the self-mocking monkey you really are.

So, aside from the obvious head-spinning revelations that Scotland has a pro basketball team and they have a cheer squad, the best part of all is the FAQ on the Rockettes Web site.

WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO BECOME A SCOTTISH ROCKETTE?

* Enthusiasm.
* Poise.
* Showmanship.
* Dance Technique.
* Personal Appearance.
* Figure.
* Personality.
* Energy.
* High Kicks.

WHAT TYPE OF TIME COMMITMENT IS REQUIRED IF CHOSEN FOR THE SCOTTISH ROCKETTES PRO-DANCE SQUAD:

TOTAL COMMITMENT IS REQUIRED!!!!

If you think you have what it takes, tryouts are June 4 at the JJB Fitness Club in Glasgow.

The funny part of this is that in making the announcement, the team goes to great length to explain that they spent “months” doing research, hiring a public relations firm, and getting “feedback” from fans and season ticket holders before deciding on the name change. Come on, everyone in the world (the hockey world, anyway) knew what a ridiculous moniker it was. The team was named after an Emilio Estevez movie, for God’s sake. The amazing thing is that Samueli didn’t change the team’s name the day he bought it. Mighty Ducks, indeed.

Nets 96, Magic 85
Vince Carter scores
32. LaMond Murray
is still in the league?

Warriors 100, 76ers 111
Philly climbs over
.500, stays in first place.
Samuel Dalembert.*

Spurs 109, Knicks 96
Sorry to oddJosh.
But those Knicks of his are just
awful. Thanks to Zeke.

Jazz 89, Celtics 101
Celtics win 2 in
a row for the first time this
year. Okur still rolls.

Hornets 69, Timberwolves 88
Wally Szczerbiak.
Michael Olowokandi.
Nik Tskitishvili.

Trail Blazers 79, Grizzlies 89
Gasol’s beard still strong.
Blazers refrain from breaking
any major law.

Raptors 94, Rockets 81
MoPete holds T-Mac
to only 7 points and
scores 18 himself.

Wizards 116, Nuggets 110
Nuggets thinking of
trading for crazy-assed Ron
Artest. Need defense.

Tonight
Cavaliers at Bulls at 8:00
Mavericks at Kings at 10:30

*It’s just fun to say. Thanks to oddSeth for the opportunity to put my haiku pants back on for the first time in a while.

I haven’t been this pissed since Moesha was canceled.

Indeed.

I don’t know where he finds the time, what with preparing to take on the likes of Sugar Shane Mosley (more like Molasses Shane Mosley if you saw his last fight) in February. I’m inspired, though, and considering creating my own line of sick clothing. I just need a catchy name.

Thighs Man: It’s Stupid!
Mangino-wear: It’s Phat!
Teet-C: It’s Fly!…