French model Alexandra Paressant is going around telling everyone who will listen that she’s been having a secret affair with little Eva’s hubby, basketball player Tony Parker. The Parker’s of course deny it, with the San Antonio Spurs star telling the press, “I love my wife. She’s the best thing in my life, and I have never been happier.” But checking out some photos of Ms. Paressant here [some NSFW] and her MySpace page and you can see why someone might stray.

Now if you’re thinking you’ve heard Paressant’s name before, she was last seen banging Brazilian soccer star Ronaldinho during the World Cup last year. At the time she told the gossip papers, “nearly every night he would come to my hotel room and we would make love all night … Sometimes we didn’t even make it into the room, we would make love there and then in the corridor. We are mad for each other.”

I especially like that the keeper just stands there watching, body language fairly screaming “WTF!”

According to the New York Metro sportsblog, Mitts has been getting hot and heavy with tennis ace James Blake. Apparently she was on hand at the Western & Southern Financial Group Masters in Cincy last week where Blake lost in the final to Roger Federer. But seeing her beau loose a game ain’t no thing to Mitts, having dated A.J. Feeley.

As for Blake, the 6th ranked player in the world is still trying to get over the hump and win a major tourney. But considering he’s dating Mitts:

and last year he was seeing former volleyball star Jennifer Scholle:

yeah I don’t feel too badly for him.

But what really put Cincinnati over the edge was Heather Mitts. The 29-year-old soccer star was named by the magazine as the city’s most eligible bachelorette, which hopefully means that she is totally over that AJ Feely. What a douchbag, he was never good enough for her. Now, I wouldn’t normally pick Forbes as the authority on swinging singles lifestyle and hot women, but in this case I’d say they were spot on.

“It couldn’t have come at a better time,” said LA Galaxy owner Philip Anschutz. “I was starting to think I had wasted $50 million but now I know it has paid off in spades.”

Considered by many to be the greatest footballer in the world — and potentially the savior of football in America — Becks had been held out from his MLS debut by a nagging ankle injury. But finally on a soggy Thursday night the former English captain appeared on the pitch and the results were dramatic.

Across America, millions turned their sets away from the NFL friendly match between Indianapolis and Dallas and began watching FOX Soccer on digital cable and satellite. Millions more logged onto the Internet to get scores and highlights from around the MLS; some were even reportedly interested in news from the Premiership.

The sudden shift in American sports interest does have a downside for some. American football commissioner Roger Goodell has called an emergency meeting of all the team owners to discuss a strategy for how to deal with America’s soccer madness just as the NFL season is getting underway. ESPN is expected to announce it will change to an a 24-hour soccer network, shifting its many NCAA football games and Monday Night Football to ESPN Classic

“We have to respond to the changing tastes of the American sports fan,” said ESPN president George Bodenheimer. “So screw Kornheiser and that bunch. If its soccer the people want, it’s soccer they’ll get.”

Some observers, though, fear the onslaught of soccer mania could cause some Internet servers to shut down tomorrow. They warned that the online blackouts could occur when tens of millions of office workers finally begin to read David Hirshey’s daily soccer posts on the sports blog Deadspin.

So David Beckham is ditching Real Madrid for the L.A. Galaxy. That’s be surprising and kooky in the past, but given that he’s reduced to riding the bench these days and is leaving for a third-tier league to be a “star”, okay, I can see that.

But he’s getting paid $250 million for a five year deal? Are you sure that’s not $25,000,000 for five years? Because that’d make a whole hell of a lot more sense. Is the entire freaking MLS worth $250 million?

All I know is that it’s going to take a whole lot of bending for that to be worth it, Beckham. Get to bending. Then bend some more. Bend bend bend bend bend.

OK, maybe she’s not posing half nude or getting freaky or putting it all out there for the world to see like some other footballers’ wives, but she’s good looking, Spanish, and a former dancer. Win or lose against Italy, I say “Bravo, Zidane!”

The Americans’ 1-1 tie with Italy today proved to be a rowdy match of attrition featuring dozens of fouls, bodies hauled off the field on stretchers, three ejections, at least one bloodied face, and a referee from Uruguay who doled out yellow cards with the zeal of a small-town meter maid. If you missed it to watch a middle round of the US Open or, god forbid, interleague baseball on TV, you should probably reevaluate your priorities.

However, like other World Cup wannabes Trinidad & Tobago and Angola, who celebrated ties against more powerful opponents this week, the US has to consider a draw against the Azzurri to be equivalent to a victory at this point. Especially when they have to rely on the kindness of strangers to get on the scoreboard.

There are a couple of different scenarios in which the US can advance, but they are improbable (their next match against Ghana doesn’t seem easy anymore), and even if they do, Brazil is waiting to eviscerate them in the elimination round.

As it stands, the US must be content with kissing its sister, which is undoubtedly less satisfying than, say, kissing Italy’s sister. Something crazy like scoring a goal might be helpful, too.