Isn’t Jerry Jones a powerful enough man to keep Romo in the country? You’d think he’d have the Dallas police lock his star QB in a jail cell to keep him from frolicking in tropical locales with beautiful blondes. Or maybe they should lock up Simpson — just because.

I wonder how much money Joe Simpson has laid against the ‘Boys in next week’s game?

Is this part of a campaign to revive their careers, taking the Paris Hilton route from gossip pages to reality TV show? Please tell me there isn’t a Mary-Kate/Sean Avery sex tape waiting around the corner. Noooo!

This frontal assault on the sports world by the Olsen twins has to stop.

If the celebrity tabloids are to be believed, the seven-time Tour de France champion has been spotted wining and dining Ms. Olsen and getting cozy around New York City. Dude, she’s 21 and has the brain the size of a squirrel, what the hell do you talk about?

Even though you are the Iron Man of sport and a champ for overcoming cancer, this has got to stop. If a three-way erupts with Mary-Kate, then the Apocalypse is surely upon us.

According to a piece in the The National Ledger, Carrie caught the eye of Entourage star Jeremy Piven at the Fashion Rocks event earlier this month. The 42-year-old actor reportedly was asking around if the singer was single, but his advances were shunned; however, the 24-year-old Underwood was seen later hanging out with TV actor Antonio Sabato Jr.

I thought we had a good thing going on, but I guess that’s how it ends for the country beauty and the football star. So sad.

Now as you know, Mr. Modano, veteran star player for the Dallas Stars, recently married one-time (maybe once again?) pop singer Willa Ford. As you also know, Ms. Ford (pictured here) was a celebrity contestant on the ABC show Dancing with the Stars a little while back. Well, what you might not know is that she may have done a little bit of horizontal dancing with her partner form that show, Maksim Chmerkovskiy.

According to a story on the entertainment guide This is London, Maksim “admitted to a fling with actress Willa Ford when he partnered her in the 2003 series of the show.” Dude. I hope Maksim stays far from the Staples Center when the Stars play the Kings October 25.

Seriously, why can’t there be a sex tape with Cuthbert and some other Hollywood hottie, like Jessica Alba or Scarlett Johansson or Willa Ford? Now that would be something to pay for.

No word on who this mysterious purveyor of the sex tape is, but wonders if Avery himself might be behind it. I mean, the guy claims he dumped her because she was cramping his style with the ladies. I wouldn’t put it past him.

Not sure how high the bidding wil go, but looking at the picture below, I’m betting the spare change from under your couch won’t get you far.

According to Reality TV World, she recently told Billboard magazine, “I understand because we went to the (Academy of Country Music Awards) together and I go watch him play football that people might get the wrong impression, but hardly any people ever ask me. They just kind of ran with the story anyway.” It’s clear Ms. Underwood really doesn’t understand fame, fortune, and celebrity in this country.

Not only does the fact that you’re there at Cowboys games suggest you’re together, it leads us to believe you are Romo’s #1 receiver on all-night scoring drives. It says that Romo probably has “I heart Carrie” tattooed on his ass. It suggests that you two are doing it in places and ways that mortals only dream about. (And we do, believe me.)

It also keeps us all waiting for the inevitable sex tape or illicit pictures to turn up on the Internet. And by the way, if anyone has such pictures or videos, please use the Contact Us link above and send them along.

Actually, it might have more to do with the fact that Avery was spotted recently trying to score a hat trick with Paris Hilton, at least according to OK magazine. Seriously? Dude, you’re about as ugly as ugly comes and you’ve been lucky enough that Ms. Cuthbert hasn’t noticed yet — maybe because she’s still suffering from post-traumatic stress after almost being eaten by that cougar on 24 a few years ago — and you go and try and cheat on her. And then get shot down and in flames. Nice going, numbnuts.

On the bright side, everyone’s favorite bikini-and-fur wearing Canadian is free and on the loose. Whee!

According to the New York Metro sportsblog, Mitts has been getting hot and heavy with tennis ace James Blake. Apparently she was on hand at the Western & Southern Financial Group Masters in Cincy last week where Blake lost in the final to Roger Federer. But seeing her beau loose a game ain’t no thing to Mitts, having dated A.J. Feeley.

As for Blake, the 6th ranked player in the world is still trying to get over the hump and win a major tourney. But considering he’s dating Mitts:

and last year he was seeing former volleyball star Jennifer Scholle:

yeah I don’t feel too badly for him.