The Provincial Report: Ohio State

Out in Columbus, Ohio, they like, well, uh, they pretty much just like football. College football. THE Ohio State University college football, to be exact. But there’s really only one goal for THE OSU Buckeyes and that is to win THE mythical college football national championship, otherwise known as THE Allstate BCS National Championship on FOX. THE OSU fans do not root for their team out of collegial fealty or the jovial camaraderie of student athletics; they want to win it all and they want to win it now.

So it was a cold blow to the heart under the white hot lights Saturday night when Ron Zook’s Fighting Illini came into the Horseshoe and kicked those national title dreams right to the curb. Juice Williams threw four touchdown passes and rushed for 70 yards, while Daniel Dufrene averaged a ridiculous 13.3 yards per carry on eight attempts. The BCS curse claimed its biggest prize yet, knocking THE Buckeyes out of THE first place.

Now that’s not to say Ohio State (whoops, THE Ohio State) has no chance at all of playing for a national title, but it’s 99.99% guaranteed that THE Buckeyes won’t be able to climb back into one of the top two positions even with a win over Michigan. The pollsters — heck even the computers — are tired of THE Buckeyes and that sweater vest-wearing Jim Tressel; they want new blood. LSU, Oregon, and Kansas, these are the new gladiators we want to see competing in the soft afterglow of the New Year’s holiday, and so THE OSU will have to settle for a shot at playing in a little thing called the Rose Bowl.

To get there, they will have to defeat the Michigan Wolverines this weekend, but then that’s never been too much of a challenge for the Tressel crew (oops, THE Tressel crew). Lloyd Carr has only managed to beat Tressel once in six attempts, perhaps a factor in his rumored departure from Ann Arbor, so THE Buckeyes could still enjoy — bittersweet as it might be — a nice trip to Pasadena for the holidays.

To get us all in the mood for THE rivalry game of the season, THE Provincial Report is more than honored to relate this week’s exploits of former Buckeyes now playing in the NFL.

We’ll start this week with Antonio Pittman, who carried the ball seven times for 53 yards to help the St. Louis Rams get their first win of the season on the road against the Saints. Orlando Pace, out for the season with a torn labrum and rotator cuff, was cheering from his living room I’m sure. For New Orleans, Will Smith had four tackles and three assists and recorded a sack early in the game. Long snapper Kevin Houser had light duties, though, since the Saints went for two-points each time after their three fourth quarter touchdowns.

In the sloppy rain of San Diego, Matt Wilhelm recorded nine tackles and two assists, batted down a pass and was responsible for one of the six interceptions that Peyton Manning threw against the Chargers on Sunday night. Shane Olivea did some blocking, but apparently all you need is 177 yards of offense to beat the Colts. Speaking of the defending Super Bowl champs, Quinn Pitcock had two tackles; Anthony Gonzalez was among the walking wounded in Indianapolis while Roy Hall has been out since Week 3 and was placed on IR last month.

The Green Bay Packers rolled to another win over the Minnesota Vikings as the defense smothered The Artist Formerly Known As Purple Jesus; A.J. Hawk led the way with seven tackles while Ryan Pickett mostly watched from the sidelines. Antoine Winfield and Michael Doss were among the injured that did not play for the Vikes.

The Carolina Panthers couldn’t find a way to beat the Falcons, but Drew Carter did make three catches for 28 yards. Na’il Diggs had five tackles and a sack, while Chris Gamble recorded two tackles and an assist. For Atlanta, Michael Jenkins caught a six-yard pass.

It seemed like the Cleveland Browns were on the way to an upset over Pittsburgh, helped along by Simon Fraser’s single assist, but the Steelers came roaring back and got the win thanks in part to four catches for 53 yards by Santonio Holmes.

Coming out on the short end of things: Tight end Ben Hartsock caught a nine-yard pass for the Tennessee Titans in their loss to Jacksonville, Jay Richardson recorded two assists for the Raiders in their loss to the Bears, and Shawn Springs defended a pass and made two tackles for Washington during a defeat to the Eagles. A winner: Bobby Carpenter made a tackle in Dallas’ victory over the Giants.

Nate Clements had quite the game on Monday Night Football: five tackles, one assist, a pass knocked down and an interception. Too bad the 49ers punting squad saw more action than the offense against Seattle.

And finally, Ted Ginn Jr. made a 12-yard catch for the Dolphins against Buffalo, but Miami still managed to find a way to lose again and dropped to 0-9 on the season. Maybe with that #1 draft pick, the Fins will get a quarterback to feed the ball to Ginn next year. The Bills’ Donte Whitner, by the way, had four tackles in the game.

The Provincial Report: Ohio State and related information can be found in NCAA Football, Ohio State Buckeyes, Provincial Report