The main aromatic offender last night was Chicago quarterback Kyle Orton, aka The Neckbeard, who was 22 of 38 for 184 yards with an interception. Under his direction, the Bears offense produced a total of 209 yards and was one of 14 on third downs, resulting in nine punts. Hey Lovie Smith, are you sure Griese shouldn’t have been your number one QB?

Of course the Norsemen of Minnesota weren’t a whole lot better. Despite the pre-game hype about Adrian “All Day” Peterson and the emerging Tavaris Jackson, the Vikes trailed until a fourth quarter touchdown, turned the ball over four times, and sent the punt unit on the field seven times. “All Day” finished with 78 yards but it took all day to get there, while young QB Jackson tossed three picks.

So the Vikings are likely headed for a first round loss to Seattle in the playoffs, while the defending NFC Champion Bears are headed back into the scrap bin for a few years. In a word, it was painful, but at least all those numbskulls who were predicting some kind of shootout between “All Day” and the non-factor Devin Hester got what they deserved.

I knew the winers were bad in the Twin Cities, but those are some cold mofos up there.

But more important than who will get picked first is what team will that person have to play for? Which sad sack franchise is going to have to shell out millions in the hope that rookie will spur a playoff run? Here’s your loser leaderboard going into week nine of the season.

The St. Louis Rams and the Miami Dolphins continue to demonstrate their utter lack of talent to the world. In the case of the Fins, we mean that literally after they stunk up Wembley Stadium in London against the Giants last weekend. Both these teams have the bye this Sunday so their place in line to the podium is solid for the next week.

Following close behind are the New York Jets and the Atlanta Falcons. The 1-7 Jets face the Redskins this week, and after having the score run up on them by New England I’m pretty sure Joe Gibbs & Co. will show no mercy on Sunday. The Falcons at 1-6 are coming off the bye and host San Francisco in a game that is blacked out in the Atlanta market. This might an interesting chess match, though, because the 49ers have just two wins and are holding out hope for that sweet first draft pick.

Minnesota and Cincinnati are also at 2-5 going into this week’s games, with the Vikes drawing the Chargers at home (which was nearly blacked out this weekend) and the Bengals traveling to Buffalo. The smart money says Minnesota has the best shot at keeping their spot in the sweepstakes, but don’t underestimate Cincinnati here because the Bills have won two in a row.

My money, though, is still on Oakland to get to the head of the line before anyone else. The Raiders benched Dante Culpepper this week and are going into the game against Houston with Josh McCown. If that isn’t raising the white flag I don’t know what is.

Basically what you need — what you deserve — are real vikings who do real vikings stuff like pilaging and killing and taking no prisoners. Unfortunately, you have these vikings:

WARNING: This video does contain images of the male anatomy that may not be safe for work or if you’ve just had lunch.

(Spotted originally — and briefly — at Green Bay, Booze, and Broads before it mysteriously disappeared.)