Mike Holmgren can’t very well blame the weather for his Seahawks getting blown out by the Packers 42-20. Heck, they spotted Seattle two touchdowns in the first four minutes off turnovers, but it didn’t matter once Green Bay got going. Where was that vaunted defense we heard so much about last week? Oh that’s right, they were playing the Washington Redskins then.

There wasn’t any snow in the air at Gillette Stadium last night but everyone expected the Patriots to bury the Jaguars under a blizzard of points. Surprisingly, Jacksonville played a very good first half and stayed right with New England, thanks in part to kicker Stephen Gostkowski who missed a 35-yard field goal.

Unfortunately for the teal and black crowd, the Jags had to come out and play the second half and that’s where the Pats really took off, outscoring the Jags 21-6. So much for the upset of the century, I guess we’ll have to wait until next week to see if someone can stop that New England juggernaut from reaching the Super Bowl.

Riding shotgun on the way to Lambeau Field — and getting special attention from the flight attendants — should be the Seahawks defense. They stonewalled the Skins on the ground and came after Todd Collins from every direction. Marcus Trufant and Jordan Babineaux both came away with pick sixes in the fourth quarter to ice the game for Seattle.

Poor Collins, though. His brilliant and unexpected career as a starter after a dozen years in the league probably just ended with the Redskins season. Had he led Washington deeper into the playoffs, who knows what could have happened, but now he’ll probably just get benched again next year — a flash in the pan, a one hit wonder — replaced by someone younger and prettier.

Speaking of pretty, Pittsburgh quarterback Ben Roethlisberger used to date Natalie Gulbis. Now she is pretty, and a way better girlfriend if you ask me than Jessica Simpson. But they broke up for reasons unknown and now Big Ben is on the outside looking in as far as the NFL playoffs are concerned.

Last night’s AFC Wildcard game was virtually a repeat performance of the regular season meeting between Pittsburgh and Jacksonville: The Jaguars took an early lead, the Steelers battled back, but the Jags had just enough left in the tank to come away with the victory. Game ball goes to quarterback David Garrard for his 32-yard scramble on fourth down in the final minute that kept Jacksonville’s season alive. Or maybe it should go to Maurice Jones-Drew for his 96-yard kickoff return and a 43-yard touchdown reception. Or maybe Rashean Mathis, who had two interceptions in the first half, including a pick six. Seriously, none of these guys got voted to the Pro Bowl?

Jacksonville has to wait until the conclusion of today’s game between San Diego and Tennessee to find out where they will be playing next, but odds are the Jags will be traveling to Massachusetts to face the unbeaten New England Patriots. They’ll need to be hitting on all cylinders if they’re to beat the Pats on the road, but they’ll have everyone outside of Boston rooting for them.

Why isn’t the commissioner of the More Taste League some smokin’ hot chick instead of that guy from Scrubs?

Why is Tony Kornheiser trying to convince me that Peyton Manning gets no respect? Has he not noticed the twenty-five gazillion commercials featuring the Colts quarterback?

Why Carrie Underwood? Why?

Why does Ron Jaworski think that Jacksonville can’t run the ball on every down? Why, I think the Jags just scored a touchdown after 10 consecutive running plays. Why doesn’t Jaws just shut the hell up?

Why does anyone let Mike Tirico anywhere near a broadcast booth?

Why the hell are we talking to Russell Crowe now? Do they really expect us to care about rugby? And what the hell is is a Rabbitoh?

Why God, why did I ever take the Jaguars to cover?

Why did it take so long for the “conversation” in the booth to devolve into Patriots vs. Colts, Brady vs. Manning? Did they really think the Jags might come roaring back early in the fourth quarter with Quinn Gray under center? And what if it had actually turned into a real game? We might never have heard that scintillating “debate.”

Why don’t I watch Monday Night Football with the sound on mute like Peyton Manning?

Listen, we must must be talking about a different Tim Couch, because the Tim Couch I know was an inconsistent quarterback for the Cleveland Browns who was released in 2004, tried out for and was cut by the Green Bay Packers, tried out for and was never signed by just about every other team in the NFL, and most recently got signed — and then cut yet again — by the Jacksonville Jaguars. That Time Couch was using steroids? Getthefuckottahere!

Well, either the juice really doesn’t do much for you — in which case we all owe Barry Bonds a big apology — or Tim Couch is the anti-athlete: When he comes into contact with roids he becomes just an average schmo.

Kansas City 12, Cleveland 16
Quick thinking. Benny Sapp scooped up an incomplete pass from Charlie Frye to Jerome Harrison that was ruled a lateral and took it 56 yards for the Chiefs’ only touchdown.
What’s he thinking? Brady Quinn was holding the clipboard all night after holding out on the Browns for 12 days trying to get his contract done. Of course, Larry Johnson wasn’t even in a Chiefs uniform as he’s still holding out.

Green Bay 13, Pittsburgh 9
Brett who? Backup QB Aaron Rogers completed 18 of 27 for 168 yards and a touchdown after Green Bay’s first team offense gained all of 12 yards on 12 plays.
Oh that Brett. Favre completed just two of seven passes for seven yards. No interceptions, though.

Carolina 24, New York Giants 21
Funny names are good. Wide receiver Taye Biddle caught two touchdown passes for the Panthers, a 23-yard catch from David Carr late in the first half, and an 85-yard catch and run that shredded the Giants’ secondary early in the third quarter.
Funny names aren’t so good. Giants linebacker Mathias Kiwanuka got beat repeatedly by the Panthers’ rushing attack.

Chicago 20, Houston 19
Sexy. Rex Grossman *gasp* completed his first eight passes for the Bears to go 8 of 10 for 50 yards.
Not so sexy. New Texans QB Matt Schaub missed his chance to score a TD when he overthrew Kevin Walter in the end zone. He finished three of five for 25 yards against a Bears defense that was missing Brian Urlacher and Tommie Harris.

Washington 14, Tennessee 6
Heads up play. Rookie corner Byron Westbrook recovered a fumble in the end zone late in the game to give the Redskins the win.
Head somewhere else. QB Vince Young was benched by Titans head coach Jeff Fisher for violating a team rule.

Arizona 23, Oakland 27
A win is a win. After going 2-14 last year and loosing Art Shell as head coach, Raider Nation will take anything they can get.
A loss is nothing new. One of the Raiders’ wins last year was a 22-9 thrashing of the Cardinals.