It has been seven long seasons in the Motor City since Matt Millen took over as team president and general manager, just how long does it take to turn a program around? New Orleans went from worst in the league to the NFC Championship last season, Green Bay is 13-3 after finishing 4-12 two years ago.

Granted, this year’s 7-9 record is the best of the Millen era, but that’s small consolation to the Detroit faithful who have been denied a playoff team since 1999.

Looks like that Thanksgiving Day game will be more than just a formality before stuffing our mouths with turkey and mashed potatoes.

If you’ll remember, Rodgers was the second player selected in the 2003 Draft by the Lions. He’s been out with injuries, got benched for having a bad attitude, never really performed at the level he was expected to, and finally got suspended by the league for substance abuse violations, which he admitted later was due to testing positive for marijuana.

So that’s why I called my stoner friend. He’s traveled quite a bit, to Amsterdam, Jamaica, Australia, mostly to see bands and smoke weed. He says Canadians are pretty cool about getting high, so Rogers should feel pretty comfortable up there.

My friend did tell me to tell Rogers not to take his own weed across the border, because A) he might get busted by the border patrol and they are “definitely not cool, man,” and B) because you can get “killer bud up there.” By the way, my stoner buddy was high when I talked to him, so he actually thought I knew Rogers. He gave me the number of a girl in Vancouver and said, “That dude should look her up if he needs a place to crash. She’s totally cool.”

“I’ll never quit,” Millen said in an interview with a small group of reporters, including The Detroit News. “I can’t do that. I don’t even consider that. It’s the way I’m made.”

Whew. I mean, sure, the Lions were 3-13 this year, and a NFL worst 24-72 since Millen took over, but do not even begin to think that they are being run by someone who will quit. The rest of us humans might take a hint when we suck, year after year after year at something, but not Matt Millen, the Man Who Will Not Quit.

In 1983 I made a pretty funny but ultimately bad motion picture called Doctor Detroit. (I swear to God we were not trying to rip off Night Shift.) In 1964 William Clay Ford bought the Detroit Lions, which has turned into a pretty funny but ultimately bad football team. (He swears to God they are not trying to rip off the Arizona Cardinals.) My point here is that one small mistake should not ruin your reputation for life. I mean, despite Doctor Detroit, you all still remember me as Dan Akroyd from The Blues Brothers, Saturday Night Live, and 1941 The Coneheads Spies Like Us Dragnet Ghostbusters, right? What I’m trying to say here is don’t blame Mr. Ford for the way the Lions have turned out. He’s just a fuddy old man at this point who probably still watches video tape of the Lions comeback against San Francisco in the 1957 playoffs.

You can, however, blame Matt Millen. You can blame Millen for the ineffectual franchise Detroit has become like you blame your parents for the fact that you cannot deal with emotional attachements. You can blacklist Millen like Cubs fans villify Steve Bartman. You can blame Millen like I blame my agent for putting me in such films as 1941, The Coneheads, Spies Like Us, and Dragnet. Go ahead and whip him like a dead horse tied to a post.

Ernie Sims? No, seriously, you drafted a dude named Ernie with the #9 pick, when Leinart was still available? A dude named Ernie that’s known more for the fact that he had 274 concussions while still in college than for any other tangible skills?

You looked at your team and the myriad holes to fill, and you decide to go with a LB named Ernie, who has a broken head?

Here’s what Professor Millen had to say about the pick, addressing the concussion issue:

“The first thing that tells me is that the kid hits,” Millen said. “When we spoke with the doctors, they say it was a non-issue. They went over him thoroughly.”

Great analysis, Professor. I’m sure he’s in great shape. Until a butterfly flaps its wings in China and he has another freaking concussion, that is.

I think the longer Millen has a job the more important the question becomes of just who he has photographic evidence of having intercourse with a goat.

Or maybe even something worse than that. Like intercourse with a corpse. Or a goat corpse.

Lions president Matt Millen had the following to say:

“We’ve got a proud “M” tradition in Detroit, starting with myself, Matt Millen, and carried on nobly by coaches Marty Mornhinweg and Steve Mariucci.”

“Of all the “M” candidates (which included Maurice Carthon and Mike Singletary), Rod Marinelli was the obvious choice. Not only does his last name start with a “M”, but it also sounds like marinara, and if there’s one thing I love in this world, it’s tucking into a good shrimp marinara. Plus, you know, he’s white.”

(There is a distinct possibility that Matt Millen, in fact, did not say anything quoted above.)