Kansas City 12, Cleveland 16
Quick thinking. Benny Sapp scooped up an incomplete pass from Charlie Frye to Jerome Harrison that was ruled a lateral and took it 56 yards for the Chiefs’ only touchdown.
What’s he thinking? Brady Quinn was holding the clipboard all night after holding out on the Browns for 12 days trying to get his contract done. Of course, Larry Johnson wasn’t even in a Chiefs uniform as he’s still holding out.

Green Bay 13, Pittsburgh 9
Brett who? Backup QB Aaron Rogers completed 18 of 27 for 168 yards and a touchdown after Green Bay’s first team offense gained all of 12 yards on 12 plays.
Oh that Brett. Favre completed just two of seven passes for seven yards. No interceptions, though.

Carolina 24, New York Giants 21
Funny names are good. Wide receiver Taye Biddle caught two touchdown passes for the Panthers, a 23-yard catch from David Carr late in the first half, and an 85-yard catch and run that shredded the Giants’ secondary early in the third quarter.
Funny names aren’t so good. Giants linebacker Mathias Kiwanuka got beat repeatedly by the Panthers’ rushing attack.

Chicago 20, Houston 19
Sexy. Rex Grossman *gasp* completed his first eight passes for the Bears to go 8 of 10 for 50 yards.
Not so sexy. New Texans QB Matt Schaub missed his chance to score a TD when he overthrew Kevin Walter in the end zone. He finished three of five for 25 yards against a Bears defense that was missing Brian Urlacher and Tommie Harris.

Washington 14, Tennessee 6
Heads up play. Rookie corner Byron Westbrook recovered a fumble in the end zone late in the game to give the Redskins the win.
Head somewhere else. QB Vince Young was benched by Titans head coach Jeff Fisher for violating a team rule.

Arizona 23, Oakland 27
A win is a win. After going 2-14 last year and loosing Art Shell as head coach, Raider Nation will take anything they can get.
A loss is nothing new. One of the Raiders’ wins last year was a 22-9 thrashing of the Cardinals.

The story is that Leinart and Cameron dated in college but broke up — I can only image so that Matty could get his rocks off with Paris Hilton, Jessica Simpson, Nicky Hilton, Jessica Alba, Scarlett Johanson, and any other female sexual organs within five feet of him — but all reports are now that the couple is happy and excited to be starting a family. I am sure that baby Cole will grow up to become the most beautiful person on the planet.

But what of poor, lonely Paris, you ask? Well, reports are that she’s back together with Stavros Niarchos, or that she’s dating the entire LA Galaxy soccer team, or that she’s sleeping with everyone in Saint-Tropez. Some of these reports may be inaccurate, of course.

I think football players are so hot. I was seeing that Matt What’shisname and he is totally gorgeous. He plays quarterback or something for that team with the bird on their hat things. I used to date Brian from the Grizzy Bears, but Matt Whatever is so much better looking. Anyway, I guess I’m supposed to say something about football, even though my sister Nikki laughed when I told her and said I didn’t know anything about football. She’s so mean because she thinks she’s so smart, but I’m way hotter than she is. Everybody thinks so. Has she gone out with a famous football player? I don’t think so. Ha! Who’s laughing now, Nikki? Everybody is, that’s who. It’s hot when people laugh at Nikki. But I still love her because she’s my sister. I just wish she wasn’t so mean. And smart. She could probably tell you about football and what the teams are called and stuff, I just don’t care about that. But I know I like dating football players because they are strong, and good looking and almost never want to video tape you having sex, and even when they do video tape you having sex they almost never put it on the Internet. That’s hot. So, what was the question?

And now we see that the press is pouncing all over this little tidbit: Matt is apparently dating Paris Hilton. Yes, she is an internationally renowned slut. Yes, she cashed in on the fact that she’s a slut and a dimwit with her own TV series on FOX. Yes, she has an Internet sex tape. Yes, she got paid by a hamburger joint to splash soapy water all over herself in a television ad. But this is love we’re talking about here, and you can’t criticize love. Unless you’re a terrorist. Hater Nation has the right idea, though, to look on the bright side: Paris is at least more attractive than Kurt Warner’s better half.