Virginia Tech lost today to Southern Illinois University, the Salukis. I have no idea what a Saluki is, but if a Hokie can’t beat it then they suck. VTech didn’t just lose this game, they got blown out by a score of 63-48. Jamon Gordon scored 16 points to lead the Hokie effort, but he sucks because he didn’t score more. One of five on free throws? Come on, man, this is the NCAA tournament we’re talking about here. You suck.

And you know what else sucks? That Coke ad with the guy who makes the Virginia Tech logo out of empty cans. That ad sucks because it’s so stupid, and Coke better stop showing it because clearly that strategy isn’t working. In fact, I’ve never seen a similar ad featuring any other school, so clearly Coke must have thought pretty highly of the Hokies, and therefore Coke sucks too.

As for the Cavaliers of the University of Virginia, they totally suck. A note to UVA head coach Dave Leitao: Your team can’t shoot from the outside, so maybe you need a better game plan going down the stretch. Have you ever seen so many bricks thrown outside of a brick throwing contest? Now if the NCAA decided to have a brick throwing contest in March, that might be a good tournament for the Cavs to enter, because they threw up enough bricks to build a stadium in which to hold a brick throwing contest. Enough with the bricks! You guys lost to Tennessee and so you suck.

So there you have it. The facts speak for themselves. It’s as plain as the nose on your stupid can’t-play-basketball Virginia nose: Virginia sucks at basketball.