oddsnark » IRL

“Marry Me, Oprah” really means “Colleen, I Want to be Making Sweet Love To You”

oddSeth — Wed, 21 Dec 2005 18:47:05 +0000

So apparently David Letterman (co-owner of the IRL team Danica Patrick races for) is involved with a crazy fan and a restraining order. The irony is that a judge has granted a restraining order to protect the fan from Letterman, who she alleges has caused “mental cruelty” and “sleep deprivation” since May 1994.

How did he do this? Code words and mental hammering. No, really. I’m not kidding.

Colleen Nestler of Santa Fe, NM was granted a temporary restraining order after she requested that Letterman stay at least three yards away and not “think of me, and release me from his mental harassment and hammering.”

Nestler’s application for a restraining order included a six-page typed letter in which she accused Letterman of employing code words, gestures, andeye expressions to convey his libidinous desires for her.

She admitted to initiating the contact originally when she began sending Letterman “thoughts of love”, and that he responded in code words and gestures. She claimed he proposed to her during a televised teaser for his show by saying, “Marry me, Oprah.” This makes obvious sense, as “Oprah” was one of many code words she claims that Letterman used to secretly refer to her while on air.

Sadly, Colleen isn’t spilling the beans as far as what soured the relationship, and why she’s resorting to a restraining order now. Probably just the normal strain of a long distance, telepathic relationship eventually taking its toil. Poor star-crossed lovers, fighting the surly bonds of fate.

Danica Patrick’s Web Site In Low Gear

oddJoe — Mon, 28 Nov 2005 02:50:13 +0000

Racing fans with an interest in Danica Patrick might want to bookmark her official Web site. It’s got all the basics — news, bio, highlights — though the news section oddly fails to mention her recent nuptials. The site also has a whole section on specifications for her car and a rundown of all her sponsors, in case anyone is interested, as well as credits for everyone on her racing team. The photo section is a little dry, though, so I included this glamor shot in the name of keeping the readers happy.

Danica Patrick Marries Old Geezer, Men Everywhere Weep

oddSeth — Wed, 23 Nov 2005 03:41:34 +0000

Grown men wept like little girls at the news Tuesday that IRL driver and general hottie Danica Patrick (age 23) had married Old Geezer (age 40), who is otherwise known as Paul Hospenthal.

According to Danica, the two love spending quality time together just hanging out, chilling with their miniature schnauzer, William Robert, or Billy for short.

She apparently met Old Geezer (who is a physical therapist) after she injured her hip doing yoga.

(Yeah, I don’t believe in the nice, smiling benevolent happy God, either. If He exists, He definitely derives no small measure of pleasure from causing us mortals pain in unique and creative ways.)