“Marry Me, Oprah” really means “Colleen, I Want to be Making Sweet Love To You”

So apparently David Letterman (co-owner of the IRL team Danica Patrick races for) is involved with a crazy fan and a restraining order. The irony is that a judge has granted a restraining order to protect the fan from Letterman, who she alleges has caused “mental cruelty” and “sleep deprivation” since May 1994.

How did he do this? Code words and mental hammering. No, really. I’m not kidding.

Colleen Nestler of Santa Fe, NM was granted a temporary restraining order after she requested that Letterman stay at least three yards away and not “think of me, and release me from his mental harassment and hammering.”

Nestler’s application for a restraining order included a six-page typed letter in which she accused Letterman of employing code words, gestures, andeye expressions to convey his libidinous desires for her.

She admitted to initiating the contact originally when she began sending Letterman “thoughts of love”, and that he responded in code words and gestures. She claimed he proposed to her during a televised teaser for his show by saying, “Marry me, Oprah.” This makes obvious sense, as “Oprah” was one of many code words she claims that Letterman used to secretly refer to her while on air.

Sadly, Colleen isn’t spilling the beans as far as what soured the relationship, and why she’s resorting to a restraining order now. Probably just the normal strain of a long distance, telepathic relationship eventually taking its toil. Poor star-crossed lovers, fighting the surly bonds of fate.

“Marry Me, Oprah” really means “Colleen, I Want to be Making Sweet Love To You” and related information can be found in IRL