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The Provincial Report Has Got The Big Blues

Up in Ann Arbor, Michigan, they like their pharmaceuticals named Pfizer, their Presidents named Ford, and their filmmakers named Burns, but most of all they are fanatical about their college football. At least they were until an A-Bomb called Appalachian State was dropped on the Big House two weeks ago. But the Wolverines fall from grace was far from complete, and this past weekend the Oregon Ducks hung a 39-7 defeat on Michigan.

Somehow Lloyd Carr has avoided the lynch mobs and may get a reprieve this week when his team takes on 0-2 Notre Dame. And to help the healing, the Provincial Report is back to spotlight the highlights of Michigan alums in the pro ranks.

We’ll start our roll call with the best stat of the day, recorded by the most famous and most McDreamy Wolverine alive, Tom Brady. The lover of super models and father of super model babies put up some obscene numbers against the Jets: 22 for 28 passing for 297 yards and three touchdowns. Do you get any better than that? David Harris and Victor Hobson, fellow alums on the Jets defense had a few tackles between them, but I’m sure all they could do is wonder, “He’s so good, it’s almost like they’re stealing our signals.”

Out in Cleveland, Braylon Edwards was wishing he was Brady’s teammate but the former Michigan standout still caught three passes for 49 yards for the Browns. That wasn’t nearly enough as the Steelers rolled to a 34-7 victory, helped I’m sure by the tackling of LaMarr Woodley and Larry Foote.

Cornerback Marlin Jackson did his school proud when he recorded eight tackles and four assists in the season opener between Indianapolis and New Orleans. The one-time Wolverine also forced a fumble in the second quarter. Tight end Mark Campbell and offensive lineman Jonathan Goodwin could do little to help their Saints overcome the Colts.

Ty Law, another of the favorite sons of Michigan, came through with two tackles for the Chiefs, but Kansas City still fell mightily to Houston; fellow alum Shantee Orr recorded a tackle for the Texans.

And yet another veteran corner from Michigan, Charles Woodson, recorded two tackles and an assist in the Packers 16-13 win over the Eagles. He also returned a couple punts for six yards. Philadelphia wide receiver Jason Avant, meanwhile, caught three passes for 54 yards and scored Philly’s only touchdown.

Kicker Jay Feely had a decent day with the Dolphins, kicking two field goals and a PAT. At least the Miami faithful can’t blame him for the Fins 16-13 loss to the Redskins. For cross-state rival Tampa Bay, Cato June recorded three tackles in the Bucs loss to the Seahawks.

Sunday was not a particularly good day for running back Anthony Thomas, however; the A-Train gained -1 yards on three carries for the Bills, though he did catch one pass for eight yards. Ian Gold, another Michigan man, made a tackle for the victorious Broncos in that game.

On Sunday night the Giants got rolled by the Cowboys, but it was hardly the fault of Amani Toomer: The wide receiver from Michigan had nine catches for 91 yards.

Still more Michigan alums graced the sidelines during last night’s Cardinals-49ers tilt: Alan Branch, Steve Breaston, Gabe Watson, and David Baas didn’t record any stats but they all deserve recognition for witnessing and surviving the abhorrent football going on on the field.

In the other bookend of the Monday Night Football doubleheader, Leon Hall recorded three tackles and knocked down two passes as the Bengals survived the Ravens. Neither linebacker Prescott Burgess (Baltimore) nor running back Chris Perry (Cincinnati) wanted anything to do with that slugfest.

Elsewhere around the league, James Hall recorded a tackle and an assist for the Rams, Steve Hutchinson blocked for Minnesota’s Adrian Peterson, Brian Griese held the clipboard for Rex Grossman, Jeff Backus did some blocking for the Lions, and Maurice Williams probably did something for the Jaguars.

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