Atlanta Falcons • The Scofflaws

Michael Vick is Putting the Cock in Cockfighting

Word on the street is that Michael Vick is currently under investigation by police in Virginia for running illegal cockfights and dogfights out of an abandoned house, which has allegedly been going on for years.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and, wonder of wonders, congratulate Mr. Vick. I mean, seriously, well done, sir. Most asshat athletes who get off on watching dogs and chickens kill one another would settle at simple being caught attending an illegal cockfight or a dogfight.

But you, sir, aren’t willing to simply settle. Despite all of the millions of dollars you’ve acquired by possessing a massive amount of athletic ability, you continue to strive harder, to push the envelope. It’d be too easy to just get caught attending a cockfight; it takes much more dedication and effort to run a cockfighting and dogfighting operation yourself, taking on all of the obvious risk to your stellar, valuable image.

Nice work, Mr. Vick. Never settle for mediocre. Prove all the doubters wrong.

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