MNF • The Fired

No Theismann on MNF? Oh, Happy Day!

According to SI.com, the #1 most annoying, half-witted, ass for brains football announcer is out of work. That’s right: Someone at ESPN finally got wise and canned Joe Theismann from Monday Night Football.

If this news is true, it could be the saving grace for prime-time football. The MNF franchise has had some problems on ESPN, but shedding the dead-weight that is, was, Theismann is a serious step in the right direction. I can’t tell you the number times during MNF — and Sunday Night Football before that — that my television has been in danger of colliding with the nearest boot, beer bottle, or cat.

Of course no one seems to be willing to go on the record about this news yet. The story was broke by Newsday, which quoted Theismann as saying he couldn’t comment “until I fully understand what has taken place.” Well Joe, let me help you understand: You suck and you finally lost your job because of it. You have been doing color for ESPN since 1988 (good Lord, has it really been that long?) and not once during that time have you said anything close to intelligent and we’re all as happy as Lawrence Taylor on a coke-and-hooker binge that you’re leaving.

But now of course this leaves the question of who will replace Theismann in the booth along with Mike Tirico and Tony Kornheiser. Some names SI.com tosses out include Emmitt Smith (nice guy, great player, good dancer, but in the booth?), Bill Parcells (sweet baby Jebus, no), and Ron Jaworski (just stab me in the eye). Now I would be in favor of MNF going back to a two-man booth but surely there’s a better NFL personality out there, someone who knows the hard knocks football can dish out.

I hear David Carr is looking for work.

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