NFL • The Bad

They’re The Losers, Baby

Kill the headlights and put it in neutral
Stock car flamin with a loser and the cruise control - Beck

The NFL season is five weeks old and we’ve amassed a collection of 14 clubs with losing records. A few of these sub .500 clubs might find the will and the way to dig themselves out of their hole, but many more of these teams are headed right down the shitter.

NY Jets (2-3) Youch! Getting pasted by 41 points is no way for a new head coach to make believers out of the fans. Luckily the Jets have Miami, Detroit and Cleveland heading into the bye.

Buffalo (2-3) Another team that got kicked in the ass this week. Those Bears really showed their love for Dick Jauron. The Bills play Detroit next week, but have to get past New England before the bye.

San Francisco (2-3) The Niners were the only 2-3 club to win a game Sunday, but then they were playing Oakland. San Diego and Chicago are next on the schedule, so San Fran should expect to stay on this list for awhile.

Washington (2-3) The Skins got spanked hard by Lil’ Manning and the Giants. Joe G and Co. get a reprieve next week (maybe) with Tennessee on the schedule, but we’ll be talking about Washington again after their road trip to Indy.

Pittsburgh (1-3) Who would have thought that through four games, the Steelers QB with the most touchdown passes would be Charlie Batch? The defending Super Bowl champs need to get their game together soon before Baltimore and/or Cincinnati leave them in the dust.

Houston (1-3) Houston fans had two weeks to enjoy that win over Miami, but now it’s back to reality. The next two weeks will be close-your-eyes bad for the Texans with games against Dallas and Jacksonville.

Arizona (1-4) Matt Leinart should get a real NFL education against the Bears next week, but the Cards have Oakland and Green Bay going into the bye, so don’t sell those season tickets just yet Arizona fans.

Cleveland (1-4) It’s been a tough tutilage for Charlie Frye so far. The Browns have a week to rest before getting their next ass-whooping against Denver.

Miami (1-4) Injured or not, it doesn’t look like signing Daunte Culpepper, or Joey Harrington, was the answer to the Dolphins woes.

Green Bay (1-4) A week’s reprieve won’t be enough time to do much to help the Pack. Maybe Green Bay fans should bury the season now before the tundra freezes.

Tampa Bay (0-4) The Bucs season has been shanghaied so far and the schedule doesn’t get any easier for a long time. Maybe it’s time for Jon Gruden to scuttle the ship and retire to an island someplace.

Oakland (0-4) A black hole is defined as an object of such high density that nothing can escape its gravitation pull. In other words, it sucks really hard.

Tennessee (0-5) Are the Titans cover-your-eyes bad this year? Yes, but this team would be crazy to dump Jeff Fisher. If fans are looking for someone to throw under the bus, how about owner Bud Adams?

Detroit (0-5) Fire Millen. How much longer do we have to keep saying this?

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