NCAA Football

Jocks only think about sports, nerds only think about sex

Once or maybe twice in a lifetime, there comes a film that taps straight into the zeitgeist and leaves its mark on the collective soul of society. Maybe Revenge of the Nerds was not that kind of movie, but nerd was the word in 1984 and it taught us that deep down we’re all wearing a pocket protector. Of course, today we prefer to be called geeks and we think about both sex and sports — at the same time, even. And while you look that one up in your Freudian reference book, I’ll run down this week’s Top 25 college football action.

#1 Ohio State at #13 Iowa (8pm) - Now this is what I call head cracking, bone crushing, blood letting, Big 10 football. Iowa has a very slim chance here to get an upset over the Buckeyes, but only if they lay off the beer bongs.

#2 Auburn at South Carolina (7.30pm Thursday) - Auburn has pretty much owned the Gamecocks and South Carolina has lost 19-straight games to opponents ranked in the top five. Since 1989 only seven unranked teams have upset a #1 or #2 team, and the last time an unranked team knocked off a #2 team was in 1999. I guess what I’m saying here is South Carolina has as much of a chance of winning this one as oddJosh has of scoring with Rachel Weisz.

#3 USC at Washington State (7pm) - The Trojans have won 24 consecutive conference games, but they will be without wide receiver Dwayne Jarrett up in Pullman. However, the Cougars are going to have to get past USC’s defense if they want to end that winning streak.

Alabama at #5 Florida (3.30pm) - ‘Bama is 3-1 after dropping a close one to Arkansas last week, while the Gators have won 11 straight home games. On the other hand, the last time Florida beat the Crimson Tide, Bill Clinton was asking what the “meaning of ‘is’ is” instead of going toe to toe with Chris Wallace.

#6 Michigan at Minnesota (8pm) - Minnesota’s mascot is called Goldie. That’s about all you need to know about this game.

Sam Houston State at #7 Texas (7pm) - How many bye weeks does UT get? I guess playing against the 2-1 Bearkats (?) will make a good scrimmage for the Longhorns before the Red River Shootout next week.

Mississippi State at #9 LSU (12.30pm) - The Bullfrogs are 1-3 and barely defeated UAB in overtime last week. I suppose there’s a chance Mississippi State could get the upset, but then I also wear a tin-foil hat so the robots can’t use mind control on me.

#10 Georgia at Mississippi (9pm) - Who will start at quarterback for the Bulldogs, Matthew Stafford or Joe Cox? Will it matter much against Ole Miss?

#24 Georgia Tech at #11 Virginia Tech (3.30pm) - The Hokies have to play better than they did last week against Cincinnati to overcome the Yellow Jackets. That might be a tall order without wide receiver Josh Morgan and starting defensive end Chris Ellis, who were suspended this week after being arrested over the weekend for disorderly conduct.

Purdue at #12 Notre Dame (2.30pm) - Notre Dame needed a miracle comeback last week to beat the Spartans; at home against the Boilermakers this week, it might be Purdue pulling off the miraculous finish.

#14 Oregon at Arizona State (3.30pm) - The Sun Devils got blown out last week by Cal; look for more of that against a rested Ducks team.

#15 Tennessee at Memphis (12pm) - Memphis head coach Tommy West gave the boot to his defensive coordinator, Joe Lee Dunn, this week after the Tigers got off to a 1-2 start. That probably doesn’t bode well for the team’s chances with the Vols coming to town.

Brigham Young at #17 TCU (6pm Thursday) - BYU ripped into Utah State last week, 38-0, but the Cougars are still 2-2 on the season. TCU, meanwhile, is looking to get their 14th consecutive victory.

Louisiana Tech at #18 Clemson (7pm) - The 1-2 Bulldogs head to Clemson after taking a nasty 45-14 drubbing by Texas A&M; I doubt the Tigers will show much more mercy than that.

#20 California at Oregon State (4.05pm) - Cal has lost — get this — six of their last seven games against the Beavers. But with a quarterback sporting a name like Nate Longshore, the Bears can’t lose.

Kansas at #21 Nebraska (7pm) - Well it’s nice to see Big Red taking on someone their own size this week. Well, at least somewhat closer to their own size.

#22 Boise State at Utah (3pm) - I just like to say, “Utes!”

#23 Rutgers at South Florida (8pm Friday) - The last time the Scarlet Knights were ranked, Trinidad and Tobago had just been declared a republic, Jimmy Carter was running for President, and Rocky was the king of the box office. Adrian!

Colorado at #25 Missouri (12.30pm) - The Tigers are undefeated and looking to roll right over Colorado, but the Buffs showed last week against Georgia they might have a little game in them yet.

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