MLB

MLB nixes Fall Classic

For the second time in a dozen years, Major League Baseball will cancel its World Series, commissioner Bud Selig announced today. Instead, the league’s champion will be decided by this weekend’s series between the Boston Red Sox and the visiting New York Yankees.

“The rainout earlier this year that necessitated this unusual five-game set is obviously a sign that this is what the baseball gods want.” Selig said as sweat beaded on his forehead. “The actions of the Players’ Association over the last three decades indicate that this is what they want as well. The two teams with the highest payrolls bought the right to compete for the championship. To hell with all the other loser clubs.”

“Interest in baseball is at an all-time high. Ballparks are full all over the country. We don’t want to slow that momentum by possibly staging a substandard World Series in October between the National League champions and an American League team that might not be the Yankees or Red Sox.” Selig continued, now visibly sweating through his suit. “As fans cheer the noble home run chase by Barry Bonds or the other drug-engorged freaks that make mockeries of the most hallowed achievements in the history of the game, we surely don’t want to diminish the goodwill that we’ve built since the last time we cancelled the World Series.”

Selig confirmed that the rest of the league’s teams will play out their remaining games as scheduled. He also did not rule out the possibility that a playoff-style tournament and perhaps a consolation World Series will be contested after the conclusion of the regular season. “I don’t care. Do whatever you want,” he mumbled.

Related Posts

• No Related Post