NFL

NFL Preview: Pittsburgh Steelers

(To get us all ready for a new season of football, oddsnark has been previewing all 32 NFL teams with the help of some good friends and experts. Here with our final installment is former NFL quarterback Kordell Stewart to preview the world champion Pittsburgh Steelers.)

Yo. Remember me? It’s the original Slash. The man who made the NFL safe for fleet-of-foot, strong-armed quarterbacks who can’t hit the broad side of a barn on a seven-yard slant. Yep, if it weren’t for me Michael Vick would be just some loser running back. I’m a pioneer, man. And I’ll have you know the Steelers went into the tank in 2003 after they let me go. If it weren’t for my crying jags and phases of gross ineptitude, the Steelers never would have drafted Big Ben and the team would still be only good enough to lose in the playoffs every year. But did they ever call and thank me? Hell, no. And despite whatever rumors you might have heard, I’m all man. A guy bawls on the sidelines and folks start saying all kinds of nasty things about him. I wear my emotions on my sleeve because I’m a competitor. Big Ben started blubbering after he won the Super Bowl and no one wonders which side he’s batting from. I want it to be known that I believe in Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. You better not leave your girlfriends around me because I’m out to make a point. So if anyone needs a QB, you know where to find me (no, not down by the docks, smart guy). Surely, the 49ers or Browns or somebody can use a veteran quarterback who’s been through the school of hard knocks and still got some tread on his tires. So call me. Please. Somebody. I can punt, too. I just ain’t going back to playing wide receiver again.

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