Cycling

French To Ban All Americans From Tour De France Next Year

For the sake of argument, let’s say that the US has a long and proud cycling tradition and that we’ve all been glued to the action during the Tour de France. So we’re all thrilled over Floyd Landis’ victory in the three-week, 3,600-mile race, right? Just nod your head. In all seriousness, it was a pretty amazing feat for Landis to come back from eight minutes behind Spaniard Oscar Pereiro to win the grueling event.

We’re pretty sure that at some point someone will come forward with “allegations” of steroid abuse or some such thing, but we hope for now that the French will treat our new cycling champion with a little more hospitality than our last one. At the same time, we’re pretty sure that someone here in the US will inadvertently call him Lance instead of Landis, kind of like that girlfriend you had in college who kept calling out her ex-boyfriend’s name in bed. To help avoid confusion, keep in mind that Landis is from Pennsylvania not Texas, he has battled with an arthritic hip instead of cancer, and he barely speaks any French. Think you can keep them straight now?

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