Arizona Cardinals • NFL

NFL Preview: Arizona Cardinals

(To get us all ready for a new season of football, oddsnark is previewing all 32 NFL teams with the help of some good friends and experts. Here to preview the Arizona Cardinals is hotel heiress and Internet sex tape star Paris Hilton.)

I think football players are so hot. I was seeing that Matt What’shisname and he is totally gorgeous. He plays quarterback or something for that team with the bird on their hat things. I used to date Brian from the Grizzy Bears, but Matt Whatever is so much better looking. Anyway, I guess I’m supposed to say something about football, even though my sister Nikki laughed when I told her and said I didn’t know anything about football. She’s so mean because she thinks she’s so smart, but I’m way hotter than she is. Everybody thinks so. Has she gone out with a famous football player? I don’t think so. Ha! Who’s laughing now, Nikki? Everybody is, that’s who. It’s hot when people laugh at Nikki. But I still love her because she’s my sister. I just wish she wasn’t so mean. And smart. She could probably tell you about football and what the teams are called and stuff, I just don’t care about that. But I know I like dating football players because they are strong, and good looking and almost never want to video tape you having sex, and even when they do video tape you having sex they almost never put it on the Internet. That’s hot. So, what was the question?

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