Soccer

(Soccer) Balls And (World) Cups

I guess there’s no denying it any longer. The FIFA World Cup is about to begin and there’s nothing we can do about it, so we should try to post something that is somewhat informative about this globalest of global competitions. Basically for us, the way it breaks down is the USA against the rest of the world, so let’s see how we stack up.

America
Landmass: Pretty big. Bigger than a breadbasket, anyway.
Population: Quite a few, even if you don’t count the illegal aliens and stray Canadians living, working, and raising families inside our borders.
Favorite soccer player: Pelé, David Beckham, or Freddie Adu. (Hey, give me props for just knowing three soccer players.)
Chances that anyone will get up in the wee hours to watch a live match from Germany: Nil to none.
Odd trivia: Americans call football “football” and soccer “soccer.”

The Rest of the World
Landmass: Maybe twice as big as the United States.
Population: At least as many people as there are in China.
Favorite soccer player: Ronaldinho!
Chances that someone will go to Germany, drink their weight in beer, have drunken sex with a prostitute, and find themselves in a rumble between rival gangs of hooligans: 99.99%
Odd trivia: The rest of the world calls football “football” and football “football.”

So, how will the USA make out? Who knows. The smart money says we get our asses handed to us in the first round or wicket or whatever. I mean we already got beat by Paraguay or Uruguay or some little Guay country in a “friendlies” match, so what do you think? It won’t matter much anyway, because hardly anyone in this country takes notice of soccer (unless Mia Hamm is involved). In fact, Hollywood should make a summer movie just to get us through the next couple weeks, to give us something to rally around. Maybe a movie called, Anything But Soccer. The trailer might even look something like this:

Related Posts

• No Related Post

© 2006 oddsnark.