NHL

Conference Finals Set

NHL commissioner Gary Bettman was shocked and dismayed to learn that the league he has overseen for more than a decade has franchises in Edmonton and Buffalo.

“I thought we abandoned Edmonton in the nineties,” Mr. Bettman said while sipping a brightly colored drink at a resort in the Bahamas. “And Buffalo? That’s news to me. Where is that, Wyoming?”

The Oilers advanced to the Western Conference finals for the first time since 1992 after dispatching the San Jose Sharks in six games. They closed out the series last night with a 2-0 win.

“From what I hear, Edmonton is a great market. Apparently it took pushing the league to the brink of oblivion for us to realize that they have a very strong following up there.” Mr. Bettman blinked incredulously. “Smack dab in the middle of Canada! Who knew?”

The first eighth seed to reach the final four under the current 16-team format, the Oilers will face the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim, which Mr. Bettman referred to as “a great movie. Very realistic.”

In the Eastern Conference, Buffalo, an outpost on the Niagara Frontier of western New York, will face the Hurricanes, who are playing in their second conference finals in four seasons.

“It’s great to see Carolina make their first trip to the conference finals.” Mr. Bettman commented. “This certainly justifies moving the franchise from that mall in Hamilton, Ontario.”

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