Other Stuff Barry Bonds and Oscar Wilde Have in Common

Barry Bonds is apparently suing the guys who wrote that book. Oscar Wilde sued a guy who said he was gay. So, Bonds and Wilde have that in common; they both sued guys who said something that was demonstrably clear to anyone with eyes and/or ears. The perhaps startling discovery is that, upon further research, Barry and Oscar have several other things in common as well.

As you will see:

Oscar Wilde wrote a novel called The Picture of Dorian Gray in which a soulless pretty boy keeps a portrait of himself in his attic. The trick is is that the soulless pretty boy does not age; his portrait does. So that, by the end of the book, he looks the same as he did years before, and the painting is now of a decrepit, disfigured old man.

Barry Bonds is a soulless less-than-pretty boy who keeps a copy of his 1987 Fleer rookie card in his attic that has withered so much in the past 20 years as to make Barry resemble Sammy Davis Jr’s less-muscular, less-physically able cousin.

Oscar Wilde was sleeping with someone, not his wife, who screwed him over by talking him into suing that guy who said he was gay. (That guy was the lover’s father.)

Barry Bonds was sleeping with someone, not his wife, who screwed him over by talking to those guys who wrote that book.

Oscar Wilde was a great, great writer. Dorian Gray is pretty great; Salome is moving; and there are few
things in the English language funnier than The Importance of Being Earnest.

Barry Bonds was a great, great baseball player. He had speed. He had power. He could hit for average. He could draw walks. He could play defense. He could throw (Sid Bream notwithstanding.) He won the National League MVP three times before the whole injecting-himself-with-horse-plasma stuff started.

So, there ya go. Oscar Wilde and Barry Bonds are nigh unto indistinguishable. Please stay tuned for the next edition of oddSnark’s Comparisons of Late-Victorian Gay Literary Rock Stars and Contemporary Athletes in which we show you how Robert Louis Stephenson and Tony Siragusa are pretty much the same guys.

Other Stuff Barry Bonds and Oscar Wilde Have in Common and related information can be found in Blast from the Past, MLB, The Bad, The Scofflaws