MLB • Olympics

Bode Miller and Barry Bonds: Twins Separated at Birth?

(Yeah, I know, the theory has some holes in it, but work with me here.)

What with all our tricknology, there has to be a way for someone to find a way so that we can view the world exactly the way Barry Bonds and Bode Miller see it. And I’ll be at the head of the line, waving a $5 bill around, wanting to get a piece of that action.

In case you missed it over the weekend, Barry basically called it quits, said he was old and tired, that this was his last year, and he could care less about passing Hammering Hank as the all-time home run poohbah. Bonds told USA Today:

“I’m not playing baseball anymore after this. The game isn’t fun anymore. I’m tired of all the crap going on. I want to play this year, hopefully win, and once the season is over, go home and be with my family. Maybe then everybody can just forget about me.

Then, hours later, he claimed he never said that, that he’d love to keep playing if healthy, that he’d that he was “…playing psychological games with myself right now. I don’t want to set myself up for disappointment if things don’t work out this season.”

Meanwhile his twin Bode was halfway across the globe, turning in yet another disappointing performance, yet claiming” “If things went well, I could be sitting on four medals, maybe all of them gold.”

In the World According to Bode, satisfying his personal “subjective criteria” is his biggest concern, instead of tangible results such as, you know, who skis better and/or faster. The Bodemeister feels that approach is “more true to the Olympic spirit”.

I just cannot imagine what it’s like living in those fractured heads on a daily basis, where everyone loves/hates you, continually trying to cram an ego the size of Wyoming into a velvet, fur-lined hatbox, demanding that the world look away as you jump up and down, screaming for everyone to look at you, damnit.

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