NFL

Yahweh I love Football: Saturday Scores, Week 16

Kansas City Chiefs 20, San Diego Chargers 7
oddsnark game ball: Larry Johnson. 32 Rush, 131 yds, 1 TD ; 4 Rec, 48 yds, 1 TD
Key his Escalade: LaDainian Tomlinson. 49 yards on 15 carries.

Miami Dolphins 24, Tennessee Titans 10
oddsnark game ball: Ricky Williams. 26-172, 1 TD. Thumuthufunkin’ Wicksta…
Key his Escalade: Billy Volek. 14-24, 132 yds, 4 sacks

Houston Texans 20, Jacksonville Jaguars 38
oddsnark game ball: LaBrandon Toefield. 4 Rush, 24 yds, 3 TDs. Good name.
Key his Escalade: Reggie Bush, preemptively.

Carolina Panthers 20, Dallas Cowboys 24
oddsnark game ball: Julius Jones. 34 Rush, 194 yds, 2 TDs
Key his Escalade: Julius Peppers for roughing the kicker or the official for getting the call wrong, depending on your perspective.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers 27, Atlanta Falcons 24
oddsnark game ball: Carnell Williams. 31 Rush, 150 yds, 1 TD. Normally I’d pick Phil’s son just to piss off Johnny 3 Toes, but since Mr. Toes is off killing brain cells with moonshine egg nog, I’ll go with Cadillac.
Key his Escalade: Mike Vick. Lost a fumble to set up the winning field goal. oddsnark will continue to honor his no-criticism request, however. Mike looked great losing that fumble. Fan-freaking-tastic.

St. Louis Rams 20, San Francisco 49ers 24
oddsnark game ball: Frank Gore. 10 carries for 68 yds, 2 TDs
Key his Escalade: Wow, I just don’t care.

New Orleans Saints 12, Detroit Lions 13
oddsnark game ball: Longhorns, baby. Big Roy Williams. 4 Rec, 111 yds. Shaun Rogers, 21 yd. fumble return for a TD
Key his Escalade: Tom Benson.

Cleveland Browns 0, Pittsburgh Steelers 41
oddsnark game ball: Fast Willie Parker. 17 Rush, 130 yds, 1 TD
Key his Escalade: The Cleveland Browns.

Cincinnati Bengals 27, Buffalo Bills 37
oddsnark game ball: Kelly Holcomb. 24-31, 308 yds, 1 TD, 1 INT; 2 Rush, 1 yd, 1 TD. Good Lord, Cincy, Kelly Holcomb has your number. That’s just weird.
Key his Escalade: Carson Palmer.25-36, 266 yds, 2 TDs, 2 INTs. Not a great week for Palmer QBs.

Washington Redskins 35, New York Giants 20
oddsnark game ball: Santana Moss. 5 Rec, 160 yds, 3 TDs
Key his Escalade: Will Allen. For tackling like Woody Allen.

Arizona Cardinals 27, Philadelphia Eagles 21
oddsnark game ball: Josh McCown. 27-38, 294 yds, 2 TDs, 1 INT. So long, suckers.
Key his Escalade: Josh McCown. For use of “funnest” in his post-game chat.

Denver Broncos 22, Oakland Raiders 3
oddsnark game ball: Mike Anderson. Topped 1,000 yds for the season and twisted his ankle to celebrate.
Key his Escalade: Norv Turner. He is so fired. So fired…

Seattle Seahawks 28, Indianapolis Colts 13
oddsnark game ball: Shaun Alexander. 21 Rush, 139 yds, 2 TDs; 1 Rec, 6 yds, 1 TD. Tied Priest Holmes’ NFL season record of 27 TDs
Key his Escalade: Every jackass in sports media that saw fit to analyze Tony Dungy’s tragedy like it was an injury report. Express your sympathy with condolences, show your respect by then shutting the fuck up.

Merry Christmas, all.

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