2005-06 College Bowls

What I did on my Winter baycation

Someone around here, probably Johnny 3 Toes (maybe me), got the bright-ass idea of covering all of the 2005 NCAA bowl games. Sounded like a swell idea when we were drinking about it, but I hadn’t taken a hard look at every bowl game in a very long time. With good reason, as it turns out — some of these games are just crap.

Case in point: The GMAC Bowl. What exactly can one say about the GMAC that’s positive or useful? We’re excited about a head-to-head clash of mediocrity between two 8-3 teams from fringe conferences?

All I could manage, as it turns out, were some lame jokes about how Mobile blows and Mike Price gets blown. Which is neither positive nor useful. It’s snarky, which is what we do, but it’s snarky without any value, which we try not to do too much. I’m most frequently guilty of the crime of snark-for-snark’s-sake among our crew, but I’m trying to mend my wicked ways, I really am. I’m even going to cut back on the f-bombs before I turn oddJoe’s swear jar into a 401(k).

So, in this new-found spirit of respect and understanding, I took another look at the GMAC Bowl, its contestants, and its host city. Guess what? (I bet you know where I’m going with this…) They all fucking suck.

No, really. These aren’t good teams. They’re okay teams, and I wish them well. Every team has some great stories behind it. Both are undoubtedly filled with good guys who’ve worked their asses off to get to a bowl game and are deserving of much respect. I respect them. What I don’t respect is a bowl system that sends marginal teams from Ohio and Texas to Mobile, Alabama to play in a game that no one outside of Toledo and El Paso cares to see. There’s got to be a better way to make money off of college football.

And since I’ve dropped all pretense of being respectful, what sort of reward is a Mobile vacation? Oh no, wait, it’s not a vacation — it’s a “baycation.” I got that straight from the Mobile Bay Convention & Visitors Bureau. Yep, when I couldn’t think of anything nice to say about Mobile, I looked up the city’s official Web site. And I was greeted by this abomination:

Looks like the sort of place that promotes intelligent design (just as long as it ain’t too intelligent). I shouldn’t cast stones — I’m flyover state born and raised — but you’re asking to be made fun of when you tout “America’s Family Mardi Gras” as an attraction.

So yeah, looks like I’m still wearing my bitter pants. Resolutions aren’t official for another 10 days anyway. In the meantime, if you want a GMAC post that brings more than bile to the table, Señor Tres Dedos del Pie was kind enough to drop some knowledge. Happy bowling.

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