2005-06 College Bowls • NCAA Football • The Fired

Gary Barnett Reign Officially Over: CU Fans and Women’s Rights Advocates Rejoice

It takes an awfully odd series of events to unite CU football fans and women’s rights advocates, but Gary Barnett finally getting the heave ho as Colorado head football coach may have just done the trick.

Barnett’s seven year reign at CU finally ended on Thursday, when he stepped down as head football coach. He agreed to accept a $3 million buyout of the last year on his contract in exchange for “stepping down”, which basically equates to “getting shitcanned” for those of us who speak normal English, or “has decided to leave the team pursue other opportunities in the football coaching vertical”, for those of you who prefer the corporate-speak.

Ironically enough, it was the piss poor performance of the football team that finally did him in, not the whole thing about luring recruits with drugs, sex, and strippers, or that whole female player getting raped by players little brouhaha.

“We withstood every piece of scrutiny,” Barnett said. “We held our heads up high and came out of this thing clean.”

Wow, Gary, that’s a hell of a thing to be proud with. Don’t be proud, you know, of running a good, clean program. Just be proud, holding your head high, that you were careful enough not to get caught red-handed, and merely suspended and slapped on the wrist.

That’s not even the best Barnett quote out there, though, When former placekicker Katie Hnida came forward with allegations of being raped, you uncorked this fine gem of humanity:

“You know what guys do, they respect your ability. Katie was a girl, and not only was she a girl, she was terrible, OK? There’s no other way to say it. She couldn’t kick the ball through the uprights.”

Well played, Gary. She was a girl, plus she sucked, so she got raped. End of story, right?

But hey, you know, you’ll land another good gig somewhere and be back on the sidelines slapping asses, winning lots of games, and cashing big checks in no time. By most normal measures of success, you, Gary Barnett, are a winner, who should continue to hold your head high.

‘Tis a shame, though, that you can’t take those $3 million smackers to the soul store, and slap down a down payment on at least a used soul, with low mileage, and only one previous owner.

Related Posts

• No Related Post

© 2005 oddsnark.