Blast from the Past • NFL • The Scofflaws

The Playmaker Speaketh: No, See, I was Going to Throw That Pipe Away, See

In an absolutely shocking turn of events, Michael Irvin told the Associated Press late Sunday that the crack pipe found in his car during a traffic stop didn’t belong to him, despite the fact that he was the only person in the car at the time.

Irvin claims that the pipe belonged to an unnamed friend of 17 years who left a Houston rehab center and came to Irvin’s house in Carrollton for Thanksgiving. Not wanting the pipe in his house (cause yo’, drugs are bad), Irvin said he planned to drive somewhere the next day and throw the pipe away but forgot.

And why was Irvin inviting a friend with a crack pipe into his home for Thanksgiving in the first place?

“I know the type of demons they have to fight and I am going to help them, because it’s the only way I can keep them from getting to my family. I have to clean up my friends because they are around my boys. It’s upsetting.”

Ahh, now I see. So you’re just trying to protect your family, which is why you were speeding, with a crack pipe in the car, along with an outstanding warrant for your arrest for a previous speeding ticket you never bothered to pay. It was all for your boys. Gotcha.

(Damn, Mike, that is one fine suit.)

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